TrustIt's going to take a whileTo build back the lost trustBetween the people who are supposed to be in loveAnd who have been torn apart by betrayal and "rough patches"Because the love we have is specialBut it's not invincibleAnd it's hard to fight away the feeling that you're still looking for something betterSomething easierBut I'm fighting for usSo I think this fight is worth itAnd sure, I'm still angryI'm still going to be terrified about every text you getAbout every Wednesday nightAnd about all the times you mention her nameAnd I'm angry that I have to feel like thatBut you know something?I'll get over it. Because the Wednesdays are only for one more year,And you'll show me the textsAnd eventually, her name as a lover will become a memory, and turn into her name meaning a friend.And we'll still be here. We'll still be strongAnd I will still be in love with you.
Pissed.I can't give up on youBecause I love youAnd even though I'm hurting more than I've hurt beforeI will get through this.You've both acted like 12 year oldsAnd whilst you are "sorry" and you wish you hadn't done itYou're "pathetic" and you "can't forgive yourselves"A little part of me worries that you don't understand what you've doneYou both must think I'm stupidAnd that I had no idea until you asked meBut I'm notI just chose to ignore itI chose to trust youAnd it will take a while for me to build that trust back up.All the things you've been angry about other people doing to your friendsYou've done to me.So yeah, I'm pissed. But I'll be okay, because I'm a lot stronger than you've ever given me credit for.
My own personI look back over the pastAt old favourites and deviationsI think about the things I thought thenThe person I was thenAnd I'm not worried that I'm differentI don't mind that my friends have changedI don't get scared that my opinions and thoughts have changedAnd I know that a part of me will always feel guilty for some of my pastAnd a part of me will be relieved that some people have leftBut no matter whatI am proud of who I am todayI've learned to stand up for my own thoughts and feelingsAnd I'm not led into things by othersI don't feel as if I have to do something, or feel somethingBecause other people do.I am my own personAnd I've never been able to say that before.And yes, I have a boyfriend, who I loveAnd yes, I have best friends who are amazingAnd yes, they influence my decisionsBut at the end of the dayThe decisions I make are more mine than they have ever been.I don't know where I'm goingBut at least now, I'm in charge of how I get there.
One dayOne dayI will wear a white dress.I will carry flowersAnd I will ride in a posh carAnd I will walk in between rows of peopleSome of whom I loveSome of whom I likeAnd some of whom I barely recognise.Maybe some of whom I'll never have met.And I hope to GodWhoever He or She may beThat when I get to the endAnd I lift the net over my faceYou're at the endWaiting for meNext to a man in a silly collarAnd I will be able to promise myself to youFor all of eternity.Because honestlyUntil I can do that,I feel like I will never be able to show you just how much you mean to meHow much you've changed my lifeAnd how much you've made me grow.I love youI am in love with youAnd you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.And no matter what happensI know that right now, and for the foreseeable futureI am yours. Completely, irreversibly, unchangingly yours.And I would do anything to make you feel as happy as I do when I'm with you.
A futureI've never felt so safe beforeI've never been this comfortable, this happy, this aliveNot before youNot with anyone elseSuddenly I don't need everything I thought I didAnd I want the things I never neededAnd I miss you before you've goneAnd when you're with me I know that everything will be fineI guess for the first time, I feel like I'm being looked afterI feel like I can tell you anything, and I don't need to be afraid that my crazy will scare you away,Because it won't.And I can be upset with you, or angry at you, and it won't tear us apart,And I can depend on you and lean on you, and you'll be strong for meAnd I know that because I have that security, I can be happier than beforeI'm not looking over my shoulderI'm looking forward, looking to our house and our lifeAnd I can't see any future without you in it.
Some sort of miracleYou hold me while I sleepAnd you hug me when I'm sadYou keep me warm on cold nightsAnd you make me smile on dark days.You grate cheese for meAnd you watch Don't Tell the BrideAnd you don't get freaked out when I talk about what I'd doOr what I'd haveBecause you know that I'm not planning on it any time soon.You tell me you love me when I need it mostYou honestly believe that I'm 'beautiful'And you actually like being with me in trackiesCuddled up on the couch.You don't care that I'm sillyThat I'm strangeThat I eat lotsOr can be a bit clingyOr boss you about.And that's how I know that you love meBecause you can look past all the little thingsAnd somehow,You manage to make me into the perfect girl for youAnd that in itself is some sort of miracle.
SuperheroI am stronger nowI am not afraid of the big bad UCAS monsterOr the scaaaaary A Level ogreOr even the leaving home ghoulsBecause wherever I amAnd whatever I'm doingI know that when I get homeI'll be able to slip into your t shirtAnd a pair of old leggingsAnd moan down the phone to you until I've calmed downBecause you are the thing that I am most proud of beingI am a studentAnd a musicianAnd a poet (sort of)But I am also your girlfriendAnd as long as I have you to lean onI know that I can be as strong as I need to beIt's us against the worldBut the rest of the world don't have a superhero on their team.
Fitting togetherWe're at that stage nowWhere we can be comfortable.We don't have to be dressed nicely or look goodWe don't have to end up naked every visitAnd we're just as happy to sit and watch a film togetherAs we would be doing anything else.The silence is no longer awkwardIt takes a more companionable stateAnd rather than needing to declare all our feelings at onceIt is just as satisfying for you to kiss me on the foreheadOr squeeze me a little bit closer to youAs it would be for you to kiss my lips and dance about the room shouting "I LOVE YOU!"Because in the little gestures,We find all the security we need.I take my make up off in front of youAnd I open the door with dripping wet hair and a dressing gownAnd I wander around in leggings and oversized jumpersAnd you'll still call me beautiful.We'll go to the chip shopAnd I'll get a kebabAnd although you tease me about itYou don't seem repulsed that I don't only ever eat salad.We fit togetherBecause even before we were "toget
MineYou've started holding my hand without askingAnd kissing me just because you feel like itAnd calling me beautiful just because.I don't agree,But that isn't the point.The point is that we're getting thereWe're getting into this comfortable routineThis nice gentle togethernessAnd I love itI love every moment with youWhen your arms are around me and you kiss me really softlyOr you just look into my eyes and smileYou feel like mine now.I don't feel like I'm on borrowed timeI feel like you're more than my best friend who I get to kissI feel like you're my loverAnd my boyfriendAnd everything I want you to be.And I love you a lot for that.