The monster under my bedThe monster under my bedWails through the night like a childScreaming and sniffling til it runs out of steamAnd I drift away to sleepWhen I dreamI dream of lips and tonguesOf potential that is unfulfilledAnd the feeling that life isn't fair.I dream of holding a childFeatures from two faces in oneAnd it is taken away from me.I am scaredThat this will be my life.No purpose or strategy.No reason to hold backBut emptiness.Just emptiness.My life, the void.
Catch meCatch me, I'm falling.I am terrified of what's around the cornerBut youYouThis... freedom.This nothingmattersflirtyfreedomnopressurewhateverhappenshappens moment,That I live for every day.You are my freedom.You make me forget what I amWhat's happeningWhat needs to be worried about.You are special to me,More than you will know.You help meMore than you know.But I like the factThat I like you. I am not in love.I do not pretend that you mean everything to me.But I do like you quite a lot.
This weightThis weight presses in on me.Holds me fast against the ground,This niggling doubt in the back of my headTelling me to run and scream and danceBecause who knows what could happen in a weekA monthA year.But I ignore itBecause no matter what happensIn a week, a month, a year,I need to be secure in a routineSo I can go about itAnd ignore my problemsAlthough this is more real than before.This is scarier than before.But I am strong, and brave, and will continue to be so.Because I have never learnt how to be weak.
One dayOne dayOne day soonI will fly away from here, from this place.I will run as far as I can, as fast as I can.I will leave everything behind,And live somewhere where no-one knows meNo-one hates meNo-one loves me.I will be more free than I have ever felt in all my lifeAnd no matter what is wrongNo matter what hurtsNo-one else will know.And I will be free, and alone.And happy.
So easyWould've been so easy to fallTo fall into the trapSo easy to just let goAnd let the feeling take me wherever I wanted to beWould've been so easy to forgetForget everything we've been throughSo nice to just be without worryAnd let him ease my mindWould've been so easy to let goSay goodbye and feel okaySo easy and so free to not be tied upNo noose around my neckBut heyI guess I like challenges.
Last ChristmasThis ChristmasIs the first ChristmasThat I've ever spentIn a relationshipAnd this yearI am so gladThat it's with youAnd the lyrics of 'Last Christmas'Probably won't be relevantIn a year's time.