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HappyIt's easy for meEasier than beforeTo describe how I feel.I'm happy.I don't think I've ever had thatJust happyNot stressed about everything (although I am)Not confused (although I can be)Not angry or sad or frustrated (although I have my moments)Because the way I feel changesDepending on different eventsBut underlying it allYou're there. YouWith your big smileAnd your safe armsAnd I know that whatever happensWherever I end up and wherever you areThat your arms will remain open, for meTo fall into and feel safe.
Looking after myselfI've always looked after myself.I've never been the sort to cry on shouldersOr rant at unexpecting earsOr ask for help.But since I met youI don't have to be alone with my problemsAnd you're making me see that there are people who care about meAnd who don't mind if I want to sulkOr cryOr shout.And I don't have to ask for helpBecause I know that you're there for meListening to every wordSeeing every twitch and every emotion that crosses my faceReading me like no-one has ever done before.I feel like with youEveryone else is a little closerBecause you show me that they are.
Not a relationshipWe're 'taking it slow'We're 'seeing each other'We're 'not in a relationship!'He's 'not my boyfriend!'And through all his wordsAnd my proclamations of indifferenceI read a fearThat this is just a reboundOff of the people we thought we were in love withAnd what if it is?And what if we were?But through his kiss I feel a warmthAnd in his arms a securityWhich I read as something moreSomething strongerAs more than the friendship we've shared for so longAs deeper than 'seeing each other'And I feel myself sinking into this all too comfortable abyssWhere I am lost to the worldAnd unable to explain this bliss that I feel when I hold himBecause it should not be so easyAnd I cannot show it to anyoneAnd I cannot show it to himBecause I am scaredThat it will scare him away.
Too soonIt's feeling too soonTo throw my heart back on the lineMaybe to pull back will be to save myself the pain?Or maybe it will mean I miss the chanceTo be honestly, truly happyWith someone I can imagine being honestly, truly happy withBecause isn't that all I need?I need the security of a friendWith the comfort of a loverAnd I find that I have it in himBut I find that I need him, and all that he isWhether I have him as best friend or as sweetheartSo do I push onDo I fight for something that is potentially beautifulAt the risk of losing something so perfectly comfortable?Or do I pull backAnd risk losing want my heart tells me is right?
NoNoNo I'm notBut I'm sure I can make it throughI'm sure I'll be fineI'm sure I can cope with thisI have done beforeAnd I will do againBut it's fine.I'm fine.I have to be.
Mr WickhamSo maybe Mr Wickham pretends to be Mr Darcy for a little too longJust long enoughSo that I start to believe that he is Mr DarcyAnd I forget that I ever thought he wasn'tAnd it's just long enough to break my heart a little bitEvery time he shows a hint that he isn't who he pretends to beAnd I feel a little bit smallerA little bit uglierAnd a little bit weakerBecause it makes me realise how lost I am without himAnd how lost he can make me feel.
WishingI lay under the starsWatching them fly across the skyAnd even though I knew it was wrongI wished for you.I wished that we could be togetherAnd even though I expected a Mr WickhamI got a Mr DarcySo I still wishI wish at 11-11 and on shooting stars and when I lose an eyelashBecause if a wish brought you to meMaybe it'll let me keep you too.
JealousyPeople crave attentionAnd they like to be admiredAnd they like to be wantedSo when someone else seems interestedAnd makes an effort to say helloOr just looks at me in that wayI feel specialAnd I almost want you to be jealousI want you to fight for meI want you to show me that I mean something to youAnd it might be a little selfishBecause I know that I wouldn't do anythingSomeone else isn't youThey aren't my best friend and my lover and I don't need them like I need youBut it's nice to see that fire in your eyesWhen I nudge you and say you have competitionBecause it just reminds meAnd maybe youThat we choose to be togetherAnd that if we chose, we could not be togetherBut we do.
UCASIf I could have just one thing tonightI would hold you in my armsKiss your foreheadAnd keep you safe from all the fear and the painAnd the monsters that hide in the shadows of the mind and university libraries,And I would make you feel safeAs if you had nothing to fearBecause university doesn't matterAnd love conquers allEven UCAS.